The Boy Who Cried Wolf

What I hate most about smoking is the way it makes my teeth feel.

I think we are all self-abusive. It manifests in different forms and as much as I’d like to say I’ve never participated before, it would be a lie.

I just have more tells now.

It’s not wrong to say I do a lot and I get a lot done but the truth is, I’ve never worked that hard. I was smart enough to stick to what I was good at during college. I don’t remember ever studying. My college roommate would get mad that I’d written a paper in 3 hours. She started two weeks earlier.

We both took the Bar Exam. She studied her ass off and graduated from Harvard Law. I opened the book MAYBE 4 times. I scored pure average. I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I don’t think I’m quite that good to bullshit my way through a juris doctorate, and I didn’t want to waste 100K testing it out.

When I smoke, I feel how bad it is for me. I have a line up of “reasons” to continue.

I only smoke twice a day (unless I’m with someone who smokes heavily, then I’ll probably match them. Second hand smoke, - might as well enjoy it).

I’m in France (Above rule applies).

Fortunately, that’s all I can come up with other than I enjoy it.

I think it’s a good reflection of what I allow myself to get away with in my life.

I’ve managed to graduate college with great experiences and relationships. I’ve almost graduated with my M.A. degree (Tell #2 – finish my friggen, god forsaken thesis! It’s about Wonder Woman! What am I waiting for). I have a good job; I’m learning a lot. Could be a nice career and it could lead me right into something I’d really like to do in the next decade. (Tell #3: I should be reading more financial-ey things).

Trouble is, I have no discipline.

We want what we want when we want it and historically, I get what I want; but now it’s not as easy. I don’t just want a new pair of shoes or to kiss some cute boy. I have a life plan that spans the next fifty years – literally, and while I know exactly what I have to do, I have a difficult time pushing myself that much harder to do it.

This is the reason why we all aren’t successful. You don’t find success; you build it, with one pyramid-sized block at a time. Like the Ancient Egyptians, we have primitive tools to get there. Developmental influences and socio economics play a major role. No matter how many times I hear it’s about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, I still read things like women make 81 cents to a man’s dollar; and that was in the WSJ, which is a conservative newspaper…

For all the bureaucracy and negativity in the world hindering our paths, it has been my experience that if you are a kind person who listens to people with no malice in your mind, you will do well in life. That’s the only thing I can attribute to my success thus far.

I live in Monaco now. The investment firm I work for is based here and they asked me to move for a while so I could learn. Truth be told, I’ve been doing more assistant type stuff for incompetent men, but I spoke up, questioned why I wasn’t doing what I came here to do, and got it. Aside from some organizational issues – like, I’m supposed to accept delays and forgetfulness as part of French demeanor, and the fact that Europe pre war real estate means the Battle of Pavia, it’s not so bad.

I dreamed of having a balcony over looking the sea my entire life. There’s not much of a view in Brooklyn. Being in this different country and disliking the discomfort, I almost forget that I go to bed at night listening to the sound of waves.

I’m a city girl and I feel strange if I don’t hear sirens passing by multiple times in an hour, but this place is like something time forgot.

I’m not in love with Monaco. It’s nothing but transient rich people beating their taxes.

Side note: Did you know that people in the highest tax bracket in the UK are charged 75% of their wages? And that doesn’t include healthcare!

I wonder if I’ll change my mind? I want to give it a fair chance.

When the CEO called and asked me to move, I was going through a really sad time in my life. There was no doubt I needed a drastic change.

I had my cards read before I left. The woman told me when I came here, it would be like my life flipped and opened up. I arrived almost waiting for it to happen, for a light to go off in my head.

It didn’t.

What I realize though, for all the notes I schedule into my calendar and all the declarations I make about exercising and writing everyday, getting those things done comes from a strength very few of us use. Why would we?

We can live comfortable lives doing the bare minimum – you just have to base your productivity on your comfort level.

I’m not comfortable sitting around. It makes me annoyed and I get ancey. Instead, I involve myself in everything and get angry when it’s not all checked off on my to do list.

I feel like a freak sometimes but more often I feel like the above.

I’m like the Boy Who Cried Wolf in my own head. I don’t even believe my declarations anymore.

What I can say is that when I sit on the balcony I’ve always wanted, and stare at a very brilliant planet Venus, I am grateful and peaceful. With some much needed alone time I can hear my own thoughts. If I can motivate myself to put them to action, I think I’ll be okay.

Now if I believed I’d quit smoking when I get back to New York, I’m gold.

Wonder Woman thesis outline

I would LOVE your opinions of my very rough outline draft.

XO

Intro: Wonder Woman’s stories are a reflection of where women are in American society at the time of publication. During World War II, she was conceived as a way to boost feminist sentiments, empower women, and bring understanding of a changing world to children. In the 1950’s as the country was espousing a return to family values and traditional gender roles, her stories focused more on the ways that Wonder Woman would conform to the feminine ideal and the cult of domesticity. After many years of pigeonholing the character, the women most focused on a feminist revolution reassigned her as their figurehead, citing her 1940’s story lines as guide for the modern woman they were told they could become as children.

It seems however, that Wonder Woman and women in American society in general face these issues cyclically. In each new political climate, Wonder Woman and women at large, see the power they worked to gain, taken away. After Gloria Steinem brought Wonder Woman to light, the conservative Regan-era killed her. Finally, fans were rewarded when beloved artist George Perez gave her a new and stronger origin in 1986 only to be erased and rewritten a decade later. It would be another 10 years before writer Gail Simone took the helm and steered Wonder Woman into the modern age where comic book heroines might be seen as equal to their male counterparts intellectually, physically, and emotionally, but with the anniversary of Wondy’s 600^th issue, all of that progress is seemingly destroyed in an effort to revitalize her image.

Wonder Woman has been strong when powerful writers with feminist inclinations have taken her on. When women are interested in Wonder Woman’s success, she perseveres.

I. William Moulton Marston – creator and writer 1941 – 1947 (his death)

A. He believed in feminism.

B. His work influenced millions of children and have a very wide scope.

C. His alternative lifestyle (bigamist) was often gossiped about and led to a loss of credibility in Wonder Woman.

D. As a result, critics began looking for themes of bondage and homosexuality in her comics.

E. Though many other characters had the same images and storylines, Wonder Woman was called out.

II. World War II – the need for a role model

A. Her stories gave women strength.

B. They brought understanding to children who watched their mothers work and take care of home and family. All mothers were Wonder Women.

C. At this time, Wonder Woman was very powerful. She fought on the front lines, against the Axis forces.

D. This helped young people to recognize that women could be equal to men.

E. Wonder Women of history was included in the comic by female editor.

III. Wonder Woman in the Cold War 1950’s and her return to traditional gender roles.

A. The United States needed stability and as such wanted to return to pre war notions of home and family life. This meant women stayed in the home and were subservient to men.

B. Wonder Woman couldn’t be the odd woman out so she became a housewife with super human strength instead of super hero.

C. The Comic Code Authority was implemented in 1954 and Dr. Fredric Werthham’s book Seduction of the Innocent forced all storylines to fit into specific categories.

D. There was a major decline in the sales and quality of Wonder Woman’s book.

IV. The Feminist resurrection – Gloria Steinem’s mission

A. Publishers depowered Wonder Woman – now Diana Prince – martial arts expert and boutique owner.

B. Women were outraged and wanted Wonder Woman’s powers back.

C. Gloria Steinem led a campaign supporting this and won.

D. Wonder Woman was on Ms. Magazine and became the face of the feminist cause.

E. The television show – helpful and hurtful.

F. Women cared about Wonder Woman and her success. They felt an emotional connection to her, as though someone had taken not only her power, but theirs.

Conclusion: Wonder Woman has just reached a milestone in her 600^th issue. DC changed her iconic costume and her origin under the premise that she needs a modern look that matches the women of today. In her new origin, the Amazons were killed when she was a baby. She was raised by mystic nuns in an urban underworld and it is her job not to save humanity, but to fix herself. Is this an accurate reflection of women today and if it is not, why aren’t more women up in arms over this change? Will Wonder Woman survive another 60-years?

Fat free is the way to be

Today began my 10-day diet, with the hope of losing a substantial amount of weight in 10 days. I'm thinking 10 pounds would be lovely but we'll see. This post will act as a record of my progress. If I fail, this will be a short blog.

Day 1:

I wasn't feeling well today so I woke up really late. I'm not breathing well so I didn't go to the gym. Tisk. I'm trying to work up the energy to go now but I'm going to lounge instead. I had 2 scrambled eggs for breakfast cooked in extra virgin olive oil, a cup of green tea, and half a grapefruit. Then I followed it with a tall glass of water, 5 shrimp, and a whole steamed artichoke covered in pesto. I'm hungry now again so I plan to snack on about 6 large green olives and one biscuit. In a perfect world, I'll wake up early tomorrow and go to the gym before work. I have a long day ahead of me so it'll be hard to make it otherwise. But I will go to the gym or exercise some way!! Good night.

Day 2:

I am a total lazy arse. I woke up super late so no morning gym. I had granola, yogurt, strawberries, and blueberries all mixed together and some green tea. It's restaurant week so this probably wasn't the best timing. For lunch I met my friend at Tao and had vegetable rolls, steak with fries and banana pudding. I ate less than half of everything. I swear once you get away from over eating, your body just can't hang anymore. My co worker did a really kind thing and remembered I'd wanted to try the pretzel m&m's and got me a pack. I had them but it really put me over the top. I was so stuffed and felt horrible. Thus far, I haven't wanted anything else. I had watermelon for dinner. I know exercise would help me get back on schedule and sleep better and all that, but I think I just really need sleep first. Better luck tomorrow.

Day 3:

I put my website up today and sent it around and fretted about it so I don't care that I didn't exercise, again. WTF. Maybe if I start whipping myself. Maybe that'll work because seriously, it won't even be hard. I'm already thinning out and I haven't done physical exercise on a regular basis in FOUR YEARS. I am such a J.A.P. pansey. For serious. I just don't like to sweat. Or wake up. Or do anything when I get home from work. And the only reason this works is because I am cuvey and I have a nice ass and nice boobs. I am grateful and lucky and not trying to be conceited. Trust me. If I had a choice, I'd be 5'7" and shaped like a rectangle, but alas, you play the card you've been dealt.

So today, I had granola with yogurt and blueberries. Remind me to chop the peanuts next time. Lunch was a shredded beef buritto and they did not skimp on the cheese. I drank water and only had a handful of chips but again, can't eat like I think I can. I'm still not hungry. I had some watermelon earlier and 5 pretzels and 2 crackers. I just don't think I'm going to eat dinner very often unless I start being more active. I feel like the food just sits in my stomach. It's unfortunate. I'm having dinner with my father tomorrow and with my mother Friday (and they're not even divorced) so I was sure to make myself lunch to bring in. I roasted chicken breasts and potatoes. I'll either cut them and mix or put them over spinach. More granola and fruit and yogurt and we'll finish out the week nicely fed. Of course this isn't nearly as hard core as it should be. I still get shit about the time I was doing a 2 week detox and my friend was staying with my boyfriend and I. (My detoxes mean no meat, dairy, processed foods, flour, or fat). We'd been eating mostly vegetables for days and the stir frys weren't cutting it. I started cooking as soon as I got home from work and modeled after a recipe I'd seen on epicurious.com, I prepared cauliflower two ways: puree and steak. My fat-starved loved ones were thrilled when they heard the word steak only to be hugely disappointed when I put a slab of cauliflower, grilled and seasoned on their plates. I've yet to live that one down.

So yeah, comparatively, I'm a ridiculous slacker and this 10-day diet ain't gonna mean shit unless I get off my soft, round ass. I don't know if I'd wear belly shirts again, but I used to. The trouble is I can't remember what it feels like to like the way I look and I can't dig for motivation without a good end point. There's a photo of me at the beach at 18 that I'm going to find and post. Nature is cruel. I never worked out in my life and I always had abs. And then it turns on you and snaps away the ease and makes everything work. The devil works the same way.

Day 4:

When I look back at this week, I'm going to have proof of what a lazy dirt bag I am and my guilty conscience is going to say, "for shame, Dominique! For shame."

Granola with yogurt and peaches for breakfast. I can't tell you how perfect of a breakfast that is. Why stuff yourself with garbage strait off the bat? Then roasted chicken breast and potatoes for lunch. I got home early and had three biscuits and a handful of pretzels. Now there's perfectly fine spinach and peppers in the fridge and I could have made something nice, but for some reason, dinner just isn't appealing to me lately. Tomorrow is a 9pm dinner res. I don't know how I'm going to stay awake for that one. Maybe I'll hit the gym as soon as I get home for some extra energy. Ha!

Day 5:

Again, granola with yogurt and peaches. Chicken salad for lunch. No complex carbs so far. The drinks at 21 - 2 gin with mint and club and a tiny handful of these little crackers. Then dinner at the Modern included one small roll, 1 slice of whole wheat toast accompanied by my steak tartar with a quail egg (yum) and then a lamb saddle with lemon chickpea jus and finished with a hazelnut daquoise. I didn't finish anything in front of me and while I'd normally have picked up the lamb bone and picked it clean, this time I left some behind. I now prefer to feel sated but not overally full. I used to call myself a hamster. If you put food in front of me, I'd eat until I died. It's not worth it anymore. I did no exercise whatsoever so I still suck and I went to bed stupid late. I'm the worst.

Day 6:

Thesis research and lounging around the house all day. It's about par for my Saturday schedule. I had an egg and freshly squeezed oj with Pellegrino. I followed it with angel hair with butter and cheese. Not my best choice. Especially since I was starving when I couldn't sleep and at 5 am had 5 graham crackers.

Day 7:

I had half a bagel, one egg and juice. Then a half of a turkey sandwich, cherries, melon, and pineapple. Followed with some grilled chicken and salad and here's the kicker, cheese fries from Nathan's. It's Sunday and I like to allow myself a freebie. Even though it was disgusting. I don't know why I think it'll be good outside of Coney Island. I'm always wrong.

On the plus side, I spent the entire day swimming in the ocean. The current was really strong and I had to fight my way around the waves. It was great exercise counteracted by the fries.

I'm setting my alarm to 6:30. If I can make it into the gym then and in the shower by 7:30, I'm perfect. But I know my track record and now you know the same. Someday, I'll break this hideous cycle.

Days 7 - 11:

I created a menu for myself for the week. I find this makes life a lot easier in terms of preparation and shopping and since I correlated it to my schedule, I know when I can spend more time cooking.

I am having granola with berries and yogurt every morning for breakfast - but not this morning. I had green tea and chocolate milk and I'm not hungry anymore.

My lunches are: Monday: Chicken and rice Tuesday: Egg salad on pita Wednesday: Indian food - I'll probably have a lot of vegetables and some chicken and lamb and limit the nan Thursday - lunch at Maialino - pork fo sho Friday: Hummus with tomato, cucumber salad and pita

Dinner is as follows: Monday was out at 5 Ninth with my parents. I had pork belly with pea shoots and mint, braised baby octopus, sea bream with tomato and lima beans, and a brie cheesecake. Tuesday I had something else planned but ended up meeting my friend for a drink and we had a tiny cheese plate and a very small ham and cheese croquette. Tonight I'm making a steamed artichoke and an orzo salad with vegetables. Thursday I'll have the eggplant and tomato tartine with goat cheese and spinach pesto care of the NY Times recipe that came out over the weekend. I plan to eat at my mothers Friday night but then again, who knows. I'm supposed to have drinks with my friend so I know I have to pay attention to what I eat and try to get some carbs in.

Still no gym. My legs are starting to look more ton and I have that line going down my stomach again. My biggest problem is my thieghs and hips and the reality is that's not going anywhere if I don't work out.

I have two options: I must accept the way I look and dress accordingly or stop being a lazy ass. I'd really like the latter and I think working out would help me to feel more alert and maybe I won't be so tired all the time. It's kind of a chicken or the egg argument there.

I definitely think that planning your menus is important to accomplishing your goals. There are days that I"m not in the mood to cook or forage and I end up eating junk. Mastering this is all about proper preparation. So far, this hasn't been bad. I know I'm going to have to do a really hard core detox before I leave, I just have to plan that out better. I'll fill in updates if they come. Anyone else out there dieting, good luck.

10 lbs in 10 days?

I'm sure it's possible, but it needs to be planned well. I can't just say I'll do it and then not be home enough to go to the gym. Strait up fact: I have a gym in my building. It's five floors above my head accessible by well air conditioned elevator. I have no excuse whatsoever. I am a lazy asshole.

I'm not fat. I'm not fishing for compliments. But the sad truth is that everyone in the world bitches about this issue. I guess most of us prefer to stick to what's comfortable. Our bodies won't switch out for a newer model though. If we don't work on what we have a treat it well, it won't be kind to us as we age. I don't want to be a 40-year old gimp.

I haven't been cooking for myself. Since I live alone I just don't really see the necessity in it. Its a shame because I'll end up getting hungry and making something simple. Too many carbs. I had a mango for dinner last night. But then I make a meal like I did tonight, super simple artichokes and shrimp in a garlic lemon pesto, and wonder why I don't pay more attention to what I put in my body. The real trouble is lunch. I work on 41st St and Fifth Ave. There is nothing worth it in the area. Suitable, yes but the cost is not worth it but bringing something into work everyday is a pain in the ass. Breakfast is easy. I make granola maybe once every two weeks. Basically it's oats, shredded coconut, a variety of nuts, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, ad ginger, and then coated in a liquid mix of your choice. I like honey, oil, molasses, maple syrup, and vanilla. The night before work, I put that, berries and yogurt in a tupperware and I have some dope ass muesli in the morning.

My biggest issue is really exercise. Who wants to sit on a stationary machine for long periods of time because it's not me. Once I'm at my goal (15 lbs off the bottom please) I'll probably feel more comfortable going to a few classes during the week. I'll never be a runner, that's for sure. I do love yoga, and pilates, and maybe mix in some dressage, gymnastics, and ballet...

So I'm gonna start on Sunday. I'll keep a log and let you all know how it goes. If I include details and menu items, maybe it can help you too.

I see this crap on magazine covers at the supermarket all the time as well as ads on the side on the computer screen. If I work up the motivation to do this and finally find some discipline, maybe it'll inspire one of you to do the same.

Wish me luck.

Hypocrite - Thine name is Dom - Lost Take 2

So I got addicted to Lost. I'm still convinced that it's a lame ass show with predictable plot and bad acting. Charlie's death scene was so stupid. Like hello, just leave that room and you'd have been fine.

I realized why it was so easy to get hooked though. It's written just like a comic book. It jumps around in time as if it has no meaning. There are a ton of different characters to learn about. There are nothing but sci fi related comicy nerds associated with the show. I get it.

I still think it's stupid but considering I wasted a good 50 hours of my life watching the entire 3rd, 4th, and 5th season, I can't judge anyone else.

I now pronounce you, husband and wife...

I went to a wedding last weekend for a friend from graduate school and I went alone. As soon as I sat down at my assigned table (3 hours late), I realized why it's so important to either bring a date or at least, know a lot of the people there.

Weddings seem to be designed for one purpose: so the people paying for it can network their happiness around. If you're wealthy, it's probably a combination of letting friends and family meet each other to create other romantic bonds while also promoting business alignments. If you're middle and lower class, it's a way to show off the pride you have in your offspring. Granted, weddings are expensive and if you're fortunate enough to have someone pay for your nuptials, give them what they want but damn, there is no shot in hell I'd ever have a wedding like that. I guess I should begin saving now, or my parents will invite the 79 family members I barely know simply to say hi to me.

I arrived at the reception and picked out my table card. My friend sat me with her friends from undergrad and our septuagenarian classmate who didn't dance, didn't drink, and isn't much of a talker. We had dinner with only brief interludes of small talk before the pop music started blaring. When the latest version of some techno-ey electric slide, line dance started, I knew it was time to go.

Maybe there was some dude there I could have sought out for conversation. Perhaps I could have danced next to one of the many sorority sisters, but I just wasn't in the mood.

I left imagining my perfect wedding. Of course it would be on a beach on a faraway island and it would span at least 3 days but it would only include the bare minimum on the guest list. (Sadly, I made this list and I'd HAVE TO invite at least 50 people). If I'm real lucky, only half will be able to make it.

I'd want to rent a house that would be able to hold my entire wedding party and then put the family in a separate place. We'd begin with a welcome bbq/rehearsal dinner. The next day would be the wedding and the following would be a brunch. It is my dream to be able to set the menu and prepare the food with the help of hired cooks. It always amazes me that the food at wedding is so terrible. If I ever have one of these things, I want it to be the main attraction. There are all types of seafood laden menus in my head and I don't know how I'd balance skewering shrimp with getting my hair done, but I know I can make it work.

The entire weekend would be intimate enough that no one there would ever feel like they need to leave early. I'd want to actually sit and enjoy my time instead of walking around a big room saying, "hi, how are you? Thank you for coming." I'd want my guests to thank me for having them and for genuinely wanting them to share this special moment in my life.

When weddings are without that, I feel like they're more of a spectacle than a party. It's all, “look at us. Be proud. Be empathetic.” Hopefully that's enough emotion to enjoy yourself on.

Getting married in itself is really something to be studied. We know that most animals don't remain monogamous to their mates. We know that this country alone has a 60% divorce rate. We know that more and more people are losing their jobs which causes serious financial strain on all couples. So why continue?

My theory is that marriage is a good thing because it provides you with someone who will always care enough about you to want to see you well and that takes the burden off of health care in old age...

Real romantic, aren't I?

Marriage probably happens more often than not because people want to feel they've hit that mile marker. Weddings are a sign of adulthood and it's much easier to throw a party than to work real hard for that dream job.

I know so many people who are getting married, or have gotten married and though I'm of the age when that is more normal, I wonder what kind of time they have and how they're spending it. Why waste your youth on the spectacle? On the declaration of ownership? You'll have at least the next 40 years to do it so why deal with the snoring, the sexlessness, now? Can't you wait?

I don't know if I'll ever get married. I'd like to. Given the intimacy, comfort, and genuine love in my last relationship, I'm hopeful that I can find those qualities in someone I'm more compatible with, but god help him if he wants that big wedding...

Tasty delight

The most awesome thing about me is I can cook like a motha fucka. I hate to be vulgar, but it's true. Some people have natural gifts, and some people have practice and great teachers. I have the wondrous fortune to have all three. And then some luck.

What I tell people is that my mother is a chef and when I sat in the kitchen with her, (even before she was a chef) she would give me instruction as to how she was preparing our meal. When I got older and too bored to sit and listen, I watched and handled simple tasks. Of course, you get your scars when it's your own kitchen, so knife skills and oven handling was perfected in adulthood, but a kid can learn a lot just by having them standing with you.

There are little tricks you remember, mostly because my mother in particular pounded them into my head. Things like putting a wet paper towel beneath your cutting board to hold it in place. It's not only a safety issue, it'll help insure you make uniform cuts. And a medium rare steak feels like the end of your nose. I like that one the most. Then as you learn to cook and time yourself, the other stuff comes back. Like the proper temperature for cooked meats. How many minutes per pound/inch, the checker board pattern for dicing an onion, cooking a roux for gravy, and I think we all know how to stick a toothpick in a baked good to check doneness. I am grateful that all of these tidbits are stuck in the recesses of my memory, but what I love more is the love I have for this part of life.

Again, I give my mother credit. She is a fantastic cook and she fed us with love. Waking up on the weekends was one of my favorite things in the world. On Saturday, upon arrival to the kitchen, she'd ask what kind of eggs I was having and even as I got older and woke up later and crankier, she still handed out poached or soft boiled with perfectly buttered toast. And even while the smell of salty tomato sauce wasn't ideal on Sunday, there was nothing as wonderful as stealing the butt off of the fresh loaf of semolina bread and dunking it right in. For those reasons, I am in love with food. We sat down as a family every night, and though I fought with them like hell and we annoyed the crap out of each other, the food was always great. I don't need to get started on holidays but trust me when I say, my house was the place to be for leftovers. I introduced every one of my friends, and even some people I barely know, to something delicious because I know how good it all can be.

When I'm at home, I strive to give myself something better than what I've already had. The extreme upside to having a big nose is an excellent sense of smell. Given smell is linked directly to taste, I personally believe that I have the natural advantage. Like some hog seeking out truffles, I dissect my food flavor at a time and when I get the opportunity I recreate it.

I've been really lucky in my short career as a cook. It began in college when my only option was the school cafeteria. As soon as I got my hands on a kitchen, I made something. I think it was pasta with tomato sauce. Being the first time I used electronic cooktops, it wasn't great, but it was still delicious, and it motivated me to do more. Soon I moved onto lamb chops and veal rollatini. I'd watch the cooking channels for ideas. By sophomore year, I organized a small kitchen with an electric grill, skillet, and toaster oven. I served dinner to at least 7 passersby a night. It was the first time the place felt like home.

When I moved home after graduation, my parents were vegetarians. My boyfriend and I were eating out all the time. It was unhealthy, expensive, and really fattening, so I took over my parents kitchen and began cooking for he and I. I'd go to farmer's markets or Whole Foods and pick out what I thought looked interesting, and then find a recipe online for it when I got home. The luck came when I realized how often I was successful with these new creations. To date, there was a frangipane tart a la Julia Child that was too runny one Christmas Eve - but I was running late, and once, a garlic soup that needed the called for chorizo I'd omitted for a vegetarian.

Tonight, I made something really simple, but it's what I think of as summer. Lobster rolls on toasted garlicky buns, creamed spinach, corn on the cob, and baked potato. I know that by keeping things simple but remembering the special touches, something like that can be amazing. Before wrapping the corn in foil, I added butter, cayenne, salt and pepper, then roasted it. I was generous with the nutmeg in the spinach and I came close to falling from hubris. Had I not tasted it, it would not have been the delicate balance of flavor it turned out to be The lobster was dope - it was nothing more than steamed meat, scallions, celery, pepper, and ONE tablespoon of mayo.

I was methodical during dinner. I ate my potato covered sparingly with butter and sour cream, while interchanging with the creamed spinach. When I moved onto the lobster, I ate slowly, and savored my bites. I chose how I wanted to leave my palate and was lucky enough to steal one last bite of his lobster roll after finishing my corn. The spicy cayenne still on my tongue, mixed with the freshness and crunch of the salad. I almost laughed when I realized I'd been making mmmmm sounds.

"You eat like you have sex," my companion says.

I couldn't even disagree. That's my basic philosophy on life.

There are many pleasures to be had here and the type of person you are is often shown in how you enjoy them and what motivates them. Some people consume and consume without reason while others savor the things in life that are worth it. Food is one of the most basic things we do. We eat to stay alive. We eat for comfort. We eat to replace something missing.

I eat for pleasure. Food does everything listed above, but it also leaves a memory behind which doesn't depart so easily. It's a part of my life the way a sport might be. While other people my age are partying at bars, I'm throwing dinner parties and testing out ice cream flavors. I have managed to perfect some really delicious stuff without trying very hard, and though most of my friends aren't very foodie, I turn them one step at a time. Besides, once you get good at making: marshmallows, whoppie pies, fudgcicles, bbq ribs, pulled pork, french onion soup, pot pie, stew, bread, muffins, crepes, and a whole slew of other awesome stuff, your friends won't need to know what they're eating to know what good is.

I've managed to get two graduate school friends from eating junk (literally, all packaged foods) to roasting chickens and making rice. My co-worker never tried sushi or Indian before me. My ex boyfriend never had fresh mozzarella. When I was a kid, I shared my cucumber and black olive sandwiches with my friends. Their moms had to start making them. We used to dunk fresh strawberries into sugar and sit around and talk. My best friends of twenty years still remember how delicious that was. We won't do it now in fear of diabetic coma, but there was nothing like it, in my kitchen after school at 11-years-old, gossiping and making fun of each other.

I can go on like this forever. This is seriously my favorite past time aside from being at the beach with a good book (and a bag of cold fruit) but I had a thought tonight and it prompted this blog. When I move abroad, I'll live in one of the most expensive cities in the world and I'll probably have a tiny, one-room studio. I got nervous that I might lose my cooking skills. I won't eat there much, I'm sure so I wonder what new habits I'll pick up or what I might miss. When I took the buns out of the oven tonight, before I spooned the lobster on top, I intuitively cut a piece of garlic and rubbed it on the buttery, toasted bread. That addition, gave a depth to the flavor that would have been missed. It is that thought process, that will never leave me. I will always love food. I will always enjoy feeding people. If I have a family, it is my mission to be the house the kids hang out in and just like my mother, I want to be able to whip up the coolest ice cream sundae or the best lemon chicken with mashed potatoes on the block. I know I will and I really look forward to it.

For the time being though, it's summer so my new mantra is nothing tastes as good as thin feels and I forsake my right to make treats. And while I know that is total bologna, some pleasures are meant to be deferred only to appreciate all the more later on.

If you're Lost, you're lame

Disclaimer: I watched the first four episodes of the first season, one episode in the fifth season, and the series finale - all two hours of it. I am making my judgement based on acting, actors, plot movement, fx, writing, and what I know to be my ingenious skills at piecing together an entire story based on very little. However, my opinions are my own so please don't be offended by them. I'm only judging the fans on the inside.

Quick rant:

I am so glad I didn't listen to the masses and get addicted on this show. It would have been the biggest waste of time, and I'm supposed to be learning french right now.

Okay, so first off, really? You got hooked, did ya? Why? Because you needed to know how the polar bear got there? Or why Kate was dangerous?

I honestly can't believe that anyone could watch the plane crash scenes, which apparently needed to air several times and in horrifying detail. Fans? Do you people like to travel because I am going to picture what I saw on this stupid ass show every time I get on a plane. I ALREADY see the plane crash from Fight Club and the explosion in the first Final Destination, but now I get to imagine when cabin pressure changes and some dude flies up into the air and hits the ceiling of the plane. Thanks a bunch. That was real necessary, over and over.

Then what? It was quick sci fi (haaaaa!!!! I just realized my audience), cheap-looking effects with corny names. Twisted sub plot. Action and death. And of course, attractive people. But then again, they killed off the hot dude early on from what I understand, and apparently SPOILER everyone else. But unlike watching the Six Feet Under finale, which was a fucking masterpiece, this happened in your face, over the course of six seasons until only a handful of really well paid stars were born to keep everyone on the edge of their seats with cliffhangers, what ifs, alternate realities, the sideways - as if. No one could think of something a smidge better? Only to end it in an allegory.

Thank you, Disney Corps, for using a variety of religious symbols in your final scene. It was kind of you to recognize that, even though you called it a church. Thank you for not making him die with his arms outstretched. It was sweet and I'm sure the fans were happy to see the dead characters but what happened? You couldn't afford to bring back everyone? What happened to Mercutio and his son?

I'm not even sure how to end this babble? Television is a strange thing that our culture has bonded with really strongly. We seem to rely on it for so many of our emotional fulfillments so when one of these attachments end, we need to treat it like a moment of recognition and grief. I really can't comment on which shows are valid. We all have our tastes. But people, can we at least try to set a higher standard for the general public than spending the last SIX YEARS of YOUR LIFE obsessing about a show that is nothing more than a serial with predictable twists? I saw 5 episodes and I knew how it would end, so come on. Just for a little while, now that you have an hour back to your life, read a book.

and since you're all a bunch of sci fi nerds, make it a comic book.

Can girls just have fun?

I like to dance. I really do. Put on some loud music and I enjoy singing along to it and pulling out my 1990's MTV Grind moves. The trouble is, where can you go and just dance without being molested?

My friends took me to Atlantic City on Saturday. We had a gorgeous room in the Water Club and did dinner/dancing/gambling at Borgata. It was overall, a ton of fun, but the truth is, a lot of the time was spent escaping some drunken mess.

The second we made it out to the dance floor some dude grabbed my hand and started dancing with me. It was late, he was obviously drunk, and this is to be expected (sadly). So I went with it. Dancing is fun and I wasn't drunk so it was easy to control what happened. What happened was he went from petting my hair, to holding my hips for too long, and then the constant attempt toward dick to ass contact. Not fun. I made a face and my friends rescued me. I moved away and he whispered, "you're dancing whether you like it or not," at which time we jetted to the other side of the club only to realize he followed.

Guys! Really?!

I understand that there are girls who will go for this but they're probably either A) drunk or B) their self esteem is too low to stop you.

Knowing this, are you proud of yourselves?

I know how hard it must be to approach girls and get rejected, but perhaps if we behaved more like humans and less like beasts, you'd make better progress? I haven't been out in a long time even though this never changes, I like to watch the habits among the various social classes - especially men.

The hot guys - you know the type. Well-muscled, tight clothes, jewelery, they only bop around by the bar with a drink in their hand. These dudes won't work for a chick. They either wait for some girl to flirt shamelessly with them, try them out in terms of slut potential and either get ass or move on. If you're an attractive, confident female though and they're feeling sporting, they'll talk to you but they're not worth much for conversation. This is though, the best way to get a hook up out of a club scenario.

The mid-level drunk dudes - are the ones who will grab every girl in the club, give you puppy eyes, and try to grope as much ass/boob as possible. Guys, you suck. We're not fans of you. If you want ass, go for the chick that's drinking way to much and date rape her. Then feel real good about yourself you pathetic loser. Better idea, stop drinking, play a sport or find a hobby and leave us alone. Your methods make going out a miserable thing to do.

The geeks - these guys are so cute. They huddle around one another and send out the bravest/drunkest one to find a girl to hang out with. Gents, I hate to say this, but often enough, you're the ones with good jobs who buy bottles and inviting everyone to share. You're being taken advantage of. I will always be nice to you, but the liklihood of taking a girl home, slim. To get away from the jerk dude, we went to the bar. While there, this guy asked my friend if we wanted drinks, and we followed, up to VIP to a private room. The guys there were really nice and gentlemenly. I had a 25 minute conversation (which is not what you do in a loud club) with a married guy. He was really sweet and it was a completely platonic conversation. Then his friend and I talked comics (found the only dude in Atlantic City who knew them) which was nice. However, his name was Anthony, hello ex boyfriend, and he might as well have been a clone.

There's always the gay clubs, which are so much fun. You get to dance with men who are respectful and complimentary but the music is always house or trance and not my favorite.

I've taken to bee boppin in my car. At least there I can sing at the top of my lungs and wear sweats and comfortable shoes.

Elizabeth Taylor wasn't Egyptian

So I will write a ton all about my trip but for now I figured I'd just show you the photos. I had an amazing time. Hope you enjoy.

xx

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I just realized how to get free sh*t

You have to choose a career in said sh*t and promote it and then the people selling that sh*t will send it to you so you get other people to actually pay for it.

This is why blogs are amazing. If you have any talent whatsoever, start one and promote everything you like. Then send tons of letters to the companies you like, and they'll send you their products. If people begin reading what you write or watching what you say, companies will believe you are valuable to them and will send you their stuff. Brilliant really but easy and true.

I was always curious why people wanted to work for fashion magazines. It doesn't look fun but thinking back to my internship at Ocean Drive magazine, more than once did I see some editor walk into the supply closet and try something on. Did she take it home, not sure, but they definitely took advantage of the samples.

Unfortunately, I don't work in an industry that promotes anything. Well money, but that's in short supply these days and no one sends samples of that around anymore. With the new pay to play restrictions, I can barely take investors out for a nice meal or a schmancy drink. Well, at least not the institutional investors. Which leads me to say, Hey! Endowments and foundations. Stop quivering over all the money you lost and start up the courting process again. What's the fun in having a job like this if I can't schmooze you people?

Someday I'll smarten up and get myself into something with expensive gifts, but for now I'll just share my opinions with you all. Maybe you'll want to send me something oneadeezdays.

XO

Definition of life

I came up with an argument on how to define life for all them pro lifers. **

Birthdays are marked one year after the year of our birth. This is a commonly held belief across many cultures and communities. If we don't celebrate the life before this, it is obviously because the person was not yet alive.

**Note. I do not believe in abortion. I am pro choice but really pro education. Talk to your children and adults, talk to you partners about making the right decisions before it ever gets out of hand.

They call it slut

slut slət
noun
a slovenly or promiscuous woman.


Wiki definition: http://ow.ly/1agtK

I am recently single and having left a three-year relationship, I wonder what my sex life is going to look like going forward.

I like sex. In fact, I really love it and need it on a regular basis to stay happy. My friends complain when it's been too long. I apparently get cranky and short with people. "Snippy," they call me.

For a while, I thought it would be best to try the singular approach. I purchased a "neck massager" from the Sharper Image. This satisfies an immediate urge but it barely compares to the real thing. I can't get comfortable with the idea of any other toy so I'm stuck at the vibrating level.

Then, I tried porn - if only to get myself there mentally quicker. I have so much to say about the sad state of that industry. First off, it's disgusting; not because of quality or some feminist message but in most of these, women don't look like they're enjoying it. I even watched gay porn and the bottom looked like he was in pain the entire time. Last week, I watched a threesome and the woman actually said “ow,” and tried to pull away, only to be completely ignored and mouth fucked to near choking... The most frightening thing about this is that a lot of young men, especially the ones lacking confidence, watch this garbage as a way to learn. And little do they realize that moaning is all a lie. I dated one of these boys and trust me when I say bad habits are hard to break. To make matters worse, once you break them you're back at square one and at 25-years-old, a busy job, and hectic schedule, I just don't have the patience to teach someone who isn't, shall we say, a quick study.

In my mind, sex accounts for 50% of an intimate relationship. It is most important to cultivate a friendship but if you don't have great sexual chemistry than you're left alone with a buddy who might as well have the same genitalia as you. And I love my ex, will always love him, but that's what it has felt like between us for quite some time now.

Saying that, you can imagine I lost some faith in men and the entire sexual dynamic between the genders. Prior to him, I dated someone for four years - who was a virgin for Christ's sake and fortunately displayed natural talent but never wanted to have sex! He thought it should be saved for special occasions when it was all about love.

Looking back on it, I feel like I was on punishment. I wondered whose karma I messed with that badly to be in such a predicament - for almost the last SIX YEARS, mind you. In between the two there was one rebound guy. He was gorgeous. Could have fit into the Jersey Shore really well and dumb as rocks, but great in other capacities. Then a brief attempt at dating, which was thoroughly depressing, and I was swept into a relationship again.

Well no more! The only good thing about them (at this juncture in my life) would be the beginning lusty stages with sex on a regular, ahmm, daily basis.

The alternatives:

The dating scene - fix ups, loud bars, being lucky enough to find someone during a mutual interest. My predicament - I like nerdy things. Comic guys are not going to work for me. I hate bars and drinking and picking up random strangers is scary and/or gross. The men at my school are mostly gay or really feminine (@Sarah Lawrence - strait, smart men - if you can go there, do. You'll have access to great, rich ass). I would not date someone in finance. They are dry and dull. The uber wonderful and wealthy chairman of my company implies he'd like to hook me up with his rich friends, but I don't know that I can meet someone that way. If it doesn't work out, someone from work will invariably know intimate details about me, and that's weird.

The F Buddy - I love this idea but it's tricky and you have to be really lucky. Random sex with no commitment only works between two people who have sexual chemistry and respect for one another, but nothing else. You cannot see yourself dating them on any level, in any world because then one day, when you're feeling a bit down, they become more interesting to you, and even if they aren't real, feelings get involved. I have one. I'm not going to lie. He's been in my life for 10 years. This is a completely un-PC thing to say, but he's uneducated, blue-collar, and not the type of person I'd bring to a business dinner, but oh my god, what a fortune to have an arrangement like this.

Starting a relationship with a friend - Unless I go Les, I don't really have this option. I have all of 3 male friends and one of them is my brother, ewww! The other two I'm not into and probably will never be.

Aside from that, I can't think of any other options of getting laid aside from a craigslist ad. I am truly fortunate to have a buddy. If I had to try to find someone organically, I'd be petrified.

I went to a bar with a friend recently, for no other reason than she and I make terrible bartenders. We stood in a corner and sipped our drinks, catching up on one another’s lives. After our second drink, I noticed we'd been spotted. I'm pretty good at paying attention to the things around me and the scene went something like this:

She and I were standing by a wall for the entire night. A group of three guys stood a bit further away but in the same general area. Their friends walked back and forth throughout the night making their group larger and smaller at times. After our second drink, one of their rather inebriated friends motioned toward us. The three stationary members nodded and said yeah, go find out. He came over. We gave fake names. He talked and talked until we said okay to a drink. I watched him stand three feet away at the bar. Nothing in our drinks. We did the shot - a kamikaze - (why do men think this is a good go-to shot for chicks?) and then we got really lucky. His friend saved the day - walked over chuckling at what a drunken idiot his friend was and said, "bro, we're waiting for you." At which time they both left to play pool and we walked out the front door. On my way home I wondered if this method works for anyone else. What kind of chance do you have at getting someone good in these social situations and which situations are ideal for meeting a member of the opposite sex without the immediate expectation being a quick hook up? Needless to say, I was getting depressed.

Sports are a definite no. This may be the one time most Alpha males are distracted enough they won't notice cleavage.

Cultural outings - You'd have to get really lucky and be bold enough to approach someone in public. Most guys are with their significant others.

Parks - love this idea but it's winter

School - maybe if you're actually still in school and not at a college that is 91% women.

Work - bad idea

Apartment building - another bad idea. Don't shit where you eat people.

The gym - probably not gonna happen unless you're already in shape and the person enjoys sweat.

The beach - hope you're confident.

Dating sites - I haven't tried this and what I'm told is there's a plethora of available, normal-seeming women with no time to date but no nice guys.

I'm not sure what else is out there. I've been off the market for such a long time, I don't know how to do this anymore. Compounded with the fact that I'm allegedly intimidating (I don't know how someone who is barely over 5' tall can be), I don't know what I'll do to get ass on a regular basis.

Damn. This is going to be way harder than I thought. Suggestions?

Marriage - from a Man's POV

I went to lunch today with some colleagues - 2 married men and one affianced set to wed at the end of March and oh boy, I am depressed.

The advice ranged from:

Say goodbye to your sex life
Don't do too much or she'll expect it all the time
When you're right it's expected, when you're wrong you're a dumbass
Get plenty of alone time
Your wife is smiling as she walks down the aisle because she'll never have to give a blowjob again
Act stupid - it's what she expects
Say goodbye to your hair
Have kids soon - you'll have more alone time
Say goodbye to sleep
Don't say anything about your in-laws. Wait for her to say something and then pretend like you weren't bothered at all
You'll never be in charge again
Forget bringing any of your things along. The house is her domain. That band poster you had, it'll go in the garage/basement/your office/trash
At the wedding, you might as well be a cardboard cut out
She thinks you're a dumbass

The list goes on.

I couldn't help but think back to my previous relationships. Yes, I nagged and yes, I expected a lot of them. And I can rationalize it by saying that I do a whole hell of a lot, all the time, so I want to be with someone who is at least some semblance of similar. I've accepted certain truths about our biological differences and I work very hard to believe them every day. Some of which being, women have 7, repeat, SEVEN, listening centers in their brains while men only have one. (It's a similar story for sight). Statistically, men are happier on average when they have more sex. For women, it's the quality of the act. Men feel pain when they don't ejaculate. Women - well, I won't speak on that. I know personally, when I haven't had it on a regular basis, I'm not a nice person but I'm not sure if there's a uniformity to it within the gender.

We are socialized differently in terms of the way we communicate and what we speak about but in today's world, where so many women have managed to build a career, make themselves beautiful, have a family, and find hobbies that keep them interesting to talk to, is it still fair for men to maintain the attitude that as long as they have jobs and earn a wage, their wives should do the rest? In the 1950's, I could almost agree with that. Women were shut out of the work force and relegated to homemaker. That said, they should have kept a clean house and their children should get plenty of attention, but that reality stopped a long time ago when the cost of living for the quality of life required both parents to bring home the bacon.

To come home after a long day's work and provide a family meal when a husband thinks it's still okay to end his day as soon as he walks through the door is just plain unfair and a loved one should never be okay with handing off the workload.

Maybe it's idealistic but I think that a relationship should be a perfect 50/50 partnership. Perhaps there are too many old school men passing along horror stories to the new generations but maybe, just maybe, if women don't play along, it will get better. Or maybe, it's just a question of sex. Men seem to be placated for as long as they're getting laid. Sadly if they expect it to stop, they'll stop trying to get it. I feel this is a horrible Catch 22 because once they stop being slick about their attempt, they are so hard to be attracted to and there ain’t nothing worse than routine sex.

I want to get married though. I like men. I find them to be amusing and their way of life, so different from our own, is fun to watch. My only wish is that I can find one who isn't so disillusioned by this entire structure that I won't have to spend every second double checking that I haven't turned into one of the women they're warned about. And of course, I'll try my best not to make him feel like I think he's a dumbass.

My test

When I was young, I was naturally thin and muscular. I didn't have to do much to have definition in my stomach and legs and damn, I had a hot body. I wasn't terribly ungrateful but maybe just a little too unaware of how fleeting it would be.

I'm not complaining now. I still look okay even though I've gained 20 lbs since college. My teeny tshirts are stacked away in a drawer with my club clothes. I don't really miss them. What I miss is the ability to throw something on and feel good no matter what it is. Being thin isn't just some commercialized ideal popularized in women's magazine's. It isn't something people tell you you should be just because it's in. I'm sure it's that also but for me, it's a feeling on health and motion. I've been in great shape and for the last few years, I've been lazy and mushy and I can't, take it, ANYMORE.

So this is my test.

Over the next 30-days, I will not eat anything white. I will eat very little dairy. I will limit my meat intake and simply stick with whole, unprocessed foods. I will eat grains and nuts. I will not drink soda or sugary beverages, and I will not eat late at night. I will have snacks throughout the day which will be no larger than the size of my fist, and I will drink plenty of water and tea.

I did this last year and I lost 20 lbs, but I did it without exercising. This time, I will exercise. I will incorporate exercise into my DAILY life. During the first week, i will hit the gym five times. I will go to a yoga class once and on Sunday's, I will go for a long walk. The second week, I will try to go to two yoga classes and extend my Sunday walk. When I am in the gym, I will begin with 3 rounds of the sun salutation. I will walk on the treadmill for no less than 1 mile and no longer than 30 minutes. I will then do some floor exersices incorporating pilated and abs. I will then take light weights onto the eliptical machine and work out my shoulders, triceps and biceps for no less than 10 minutes before moving back to the floor mat to complete my ab workout. As I progress and feel more comfortable, I will extend all of these moves. I will figure out how to use all of the machines and add a body part as I see fit. I will continue this routine until the end of the 30 days which will be the 15th of March.

I worked out once in college and it didn't take me very long to lose 10 lbs simply using the eliptical machine and watching my carbs. I'd really like to see what happens now that I'm older and my metabolism may have slowed.

I will keep you posted on my progress. I really can't take this anymore. I recently learned what a FUPA is and I'm sad to say, if I continue my bad habits, I'm going to have one.

Smallville - Absolute Justice

I've been twittering. And, I enjoy it. But I've finally watched Absolute Justice and I have more to say than just 140 characters.*

I firmly believe that just like dog and cat, there are two types of people in this world. There are the Batman people, and the Superman people. I won't describe the differences. You know who you are. I, am a Superman person. Through and through, and I must say that over the years, I have been deeply disappointed with the way that Man of Steel is treated. Paul Dini, you should be a little ashamed. I know you're a Batman person. It's fine. He's a wonderful character, but COME ON! I mean really, come on. You had him in pain over bullets in a few episodes. What is that?

Sorry. I have anger.

Getting on...

I watched the first season of Smallville and then caught a few episodes here and there. Most honestly because I love the character and damn, Tom Welling is hot. Unfortunately, the acting was pitiful and the writing was, well, I'll leave that alone.

And, Lana. It wasn't the most pleasant time I've spent on the couch.

But now it seems, that's all over. Geoff John's did a great job. I can say I'm not ashamed to do a little ass kissing and bestow some praise for the lucky fan who lived the dream, grew up and wrote something for live-action properly. For serious. Thank you.

Here are some things that I LOVED:

The allusion to Canary via Ollie's emails

Loved the choice of golden age characters in the mix

Shiera and the reincarnation part - smile

Lex Corps on a building in the scene

Kill Bill callback in Dr. Fate's speech

Lois' assonence, "honest to goodness spandex-sporting superheros," and how quippy she was during her first appearance on camera. And her slethy-ness. Actually, Erica Durance, thanks. You make a good Lois.

Great costuming

LOVED LOVED LOVED the cape in Fate's vision.

Was he supposed to be Dr. Emil Hamilton because good job!

If you ever auction off the JSA table, let me know.

For one fluttering moment, I thought about what it would be like to be on a sex tape with Green Arrow and Kal and how little I would mind it getting out.

Whoops, thought about it again.

Dope mace for Hawkman.

I like Green Arrow on the show. It's almost as if Batman were there but you know, a nicer version.

Is Tess Mercer supposed to be Mercy?

I have to give you some criticism, if only to keep anyone's head from getting too big:

Hawks don't fly like that.

Icicle was lame and played the role a bit...I'll keep that one to myself.

I know she's your girl, and I liked her in the JLU cartoon, but in this, I did not care for Star Girl. I assume it was the actress and the hideous fight scenes.

Why oh why is Lex dead? I like him and Michael Rosenblum is the mans. Especially as Flash. He could don a red wig and play him. What do we think?

Pam Grier is too hot to be Amanda Waller. Her hair needs to be shorter and she needs to be fat. Sexy women like that aren't mean. They don't need to be. A young person would be handling her sh*t right now. Trust me.

I do like that she's courting Lois though.

I don't really get the Chloe character. She's like a Lois but not - and though I recently heard about the Chlois movement, I'm not sure what that is. I do however, think she'll probably be Dr. Fate. Right now, she more like Oracle.

Overall, I have a feeling of retribution from this episode. If anyone ever puts Tom Welling in a Superman costume, I think you'd have close to a billion happy women on this planet. Just an FYI.

*The funny side-note is twitter opened my eyes to the possibility that someone else might want to read when I feel the need to geek the eff out. So enjoy.

Today has been a good day

Sometimes, I get really sad. I feel like the entire world is moving so quickly and I'm stuck in one place. I want so many careers and so many experiences but there isn't enough time in the day (and I really enjoy sleep). I've tried to maintain control over all of it - whether it be the vlog i'm working on, my thesis, my job, the potential catering company, marketing a comic book, writing screenplays, volunteering, producing charity plays...god. When it's written out this way I don't feel as bad about behaving like a psycho. I am really ambitious, that's a given, but is it at all realistic? Which things can one work on and do well at and which will wait for you in the meantime?

I've realized that the only way I won't feel bad is to accomplish the tasks I've made strict commitments to - school and work. I need money so I have to come to work and I pay for school so I really should take advantage of it. Fortunately, my thesis outline came to me at midnight the other night. True to form, I mulled over it for months, procrastinated, avoided it, procrastinated some more, and then all of a sudden, it came to me. Silly brain - will you always torture me this way?

At least that's out of the way - sorta. I still have to actually write it out...

Then there's the Vagina Monologues. I am so excited to have been part of this. I tried to produce it as an undergraduate. I collected my actors, picked dates, got a venue, and then our nun president shut it down. Apparently she's one of the women in the play who doesn't like her vagina very much. But now, not only did I get to produce it, but I'm acting out one of the best monologues in the entire show (The Flood). If you've never heard of it, the character is a 72-yr-old virgin...I hope for laughs.

And even though I feel like I screw up time and time again at work, I somehow manage to remain highly regarded by my colleagues. Don't ask me, I would've fired my ass by now. I'm like Peter in Office Space at this place. I do whatever I want, come in hours late and still nothing. In fact, I got a great bonus and salary increase 6 months ago...I guess i'm "management material."

Anyhoo...today was a great day. A prominent comic book editor called and is going to help me with a project I'm working on and get me in touch with the WW editor so s/he can help with my thesis AND THEN, to top it all off, I had an interview at DC for an internship position. Aside from the fact that those were the coolest offices I've ever seen in my life, I told my real boss about it, and he supports it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I was ready to just take the unpaid internship and find a random job, (my choices were Starebucks, hooker, or stripper).

Now I get to be taken out to dinner by a man who adores me - again, I don't know why, minus the fact that I'm a great cook, I'm definitely a huge b*tch to deal with. He sticks around anyway. Maybe now it'll be for the free comic books I might get every week should I actually be able to get this internship.

Wow! Sometimes, I look back on the time I spent feeling sad or depressed and these days just negate all of that. And sometimes, life really does throw you a ton of luck. I think it does it to make up for all the time I spent feeling ugly and alone as an adolencent. Now that my inherent nerd is justified, I get to be and do whatever, and it's a really wonderful life...

Promises promises...

So I'm going to try to make this promise real by writing it where someone might be able to call me out on it someday...

If I don't get in shape and stop procrastinating, I'm going to cut off my hair...

And maybe dye it dark brown or something.

It would be a great loss. I have really nice hair and I'm fairly certain me and short hair won't mesh.

Hopefully this will be motivational.

TTFN.