Marriage - from a Man's POV

I went to lunch today with some colleagues - 2 married men and one affianced set to wed at the end of March and oh boy, I am depressed.

The advice ranged from:

Say goodbye to your sex life
Don't do too much or she'll expect it all the time
When you're right it's expected, when you're wrong you're a dumbass
Get plenty of alone time
Your wife is smiling as she walks down the aisle because she'll never have to give a blowjob again
Act stupid - it's what she expects
Say goodbye to your hair
Have kids soon - you'll have more alone time
Say goodbye to sleep
Don't say anything about your in-laws. Wait for her to say something and then pretend like you weren't bothered at all
You'll never be in charge again
Forget bringing any of your things along. The house is her domain. That band poster you had, it'll go in the garage/basement/your office/trash
At the wedding, you might as well be a cardboard cut out
She thinks you're a dumbass

The list goes on.

I couldn't help but think back to my previous relationships. Yes, I nagged and yes, I expected a lot of them. And I can rationalize it by saying that I do a whole hell of a lot, all the time, so I want to be with someone who is at least some semblance of similar. I've accepted certain truths about our biological differences and I work very hard to believe them every day. Some of which being, women have 7, repeat, SEVEN, listening centers in their brains while men only have one. (It's a similar story for sight). Statistically, men are happier on average when they have more sex. For women, it's the quality of the act. Men feel pain when they don't ejaculate. Women - well, I won't speak on that. I know personally, when I haven't had it on a regular basis, I'm not a nice person but I'm not sure if there's a uniformity to it within the gender.

We are socialized differently in terms of the way we communicate and what we speak about but in today's world, where so many women have managed to build a career, make themselves beautiful, have a family, and find hobbies that keep them interesting to talk to, is it still fair for men to maintain the attitude that as long as they have jobs and earn a wage, their wives should do the rest? In the 1950's, I could almost agree with that. Women were shut out of the work force and relegated to homemaker. That said, they should have kept a clean house and their children should get plenty of attention, but that reality stopped a long time ago when the cost of living for the quality of life required both parents to bring home the bacon.

To come home after a long day's work and provide a family meal when a husband thinks it's still okay to end his day as soon as he walks through the door is just plain unfair and a loved one should never be okay with handing off the workload.

Maybe it's idealistic but I think that a relationship should be a perfect 50/50 partnership. Perhaps there are too many old school men passing along horror stories to the new generations but maybe, just maybe, if women don't play along, it will get better. Or maybe, it's just a question of sex. Men seem to be placated for as long as they're getting laid. Sadly if they expect it to stop, they'll stop trying to get it. I feel this is a horrible Catch 22 because once they stop being slick about their attempt, they are so hard to be attracted to and there ain’t nothing worse than routine sex.

I want to get married though. I like men. I find them to be amusing and their way of life, so different from our own, is fun to watch. My only wish is that I can find one who isn't so disillusioned by this entire structure that I won't have to spend every second double checking that I haven't turned into one of the women they're warned about. And of course, I'll try my best not to make him feel like I think he's a dumbass.