They call it slut

slut slət
noun
a slovenly or promiscuous woman.


Wiki definition: http://ow.ly/1agtK

I am recently single and having left a three-year relationship, I wonder what my sex life is going to look like going forward.

I like sex. In fact, I really love it and need it on a regular basis to stay happy. My friends complain when it's been too long. I apparently get cranky and short with people. "Snippy," they call me.

For a while, I thought it would be best to try the singular approach. I purchased a "neck massager" from the Sharper Image. This satisfies an immediate urge but it barely compares to the real thing. I can't get comfortable with the idea of any other toy so I'm stuck at the vibrating level.

Then, I tried porn - if only to get myself there mentally quicker. I have so much to say about the sad state of that industry. First off, it's disgusting; not because of quality or some feminist message but in most of these, women don't look like they're enjoying it. I even watched gay porn and the bottom looked like he was in pain the entire time. Last week, I watched a threesome and the woman actually said “ow,” and tried to pull away, only to be completely ignored and mouth fucked to near choking... The most frightening thing about this is that a lot of young men, especially the ones lacking confidence, watch this garbage as a way to learn. And little do they realize that moaning is all a lie. I dated one of these boys and trust me when I say bad habits are hard to break. To make matters worse, once you break them you're back at square one and at 25-years-old, a busy job, and hectic schedule, I just don't have the patience to teach someone who isn't, shall we say, a quick study.

In my mind, sex accounts for 50% of an intimate relationship. It is most important to cultivate a friendship but if you don't have great sexual chemistry than you're left alone with a buddy who might as well have the same genitalia as you. And I love my ex, will always love him, but that's what it has felt like between us for quite some time now.

Saying that, you can imagine I lost some faith in men and the entire sexual dynamic between the genders. Prior to him, I dated someone for four years - who was a virgin for Christ's sake and fortunately displayed natural talent but never wanted to have sex! He thought it should be saved for special occasions when it was all about love.

Looking back on it, I feel like I was on punishment. I wondered whose karma I messed with that badly to be in such a predicament - for almost the last SIX YEARS, mind you. In between the two there was one rebound guy. He was gorgeous. Could have fit into the Jersey Shore really well and dumb as rocks, but great in other capacities. Then a brief attempt at dating, which was thoroughly depressing, and I was swept into a relationship again.

Well no more! The only good thing about them (at this juncture in my life) would be the beginning lusty stages with sex on a regular, ahmm, daily basis.

The alternatives:

The dating scene - fix ups, loud bars, being lucky enough to find someone during a mutual interest. My predicament - I like nerdy things. Comic guys are not going to work for me. I hate bars and drinking and picking up random strangers is scary and/or gross. The men at my school are mostly gay or really feminine (@Sarah Lawrence - strait, smart men - if you can go there, do. You'll have access to great, rich ass). I would not date someone in finance. They are dry and dull. The uber wonderful and wealthy chairman of my company implies he'd like to hook me up with his rich friends, but I don't know that I can meet someone that way. If it doesn't work out, someone from work will invariably know intimate details about me, and that's weird.

The F Buddy - I love this idea but it's tricky and you have to be really lucky. Random sex with no commitment only works between two people who have sexual chemistry and respect for one another, but nothing else. You cannot see yourself dating them on any level, in any world because then one day, when you're feeling a bit down, they become more interesting to you, and even if they aren't real, feelings get involved. I have one. I'm not going to lie. He's been in my life for 10 years. This is a completely un-PC thing to say, but he's uneducated, blue-collar, and not the type of person I'd bring to a business dinner, but oh my god, what a fortune to have an arrangement like this.

Starting a relationship with a friend - Unless I go Les, I don't really have this option. I have all of 3 male friends and one of them is my brother, ewww! The other two I'm not into and probably will never be.

Aside from that, I can't think of any other options of getting laid aside from a craigslist ad. I am truly fortunate to have a buddy. If I had to try to find someone organically, I'd be petrified.

I went to a bar with a friend recently, for no other reason than she and I make terrible bartenders. We stood in a corner and sipped our drinks, catching up on one another’s lives. After our second drink, I noticed we'd been spotted. I'm pretty good at paying attention to the things around me and the scene went something like this:

She and I were standing by a wall for the entire night. A group of three guys stood a bit further away but in the same general area. Their friends walked back and forth throughout the night making their group larger and smaller at times. After our second drink, one of their rather inebriated friends motioned toward us. The three stationary members nodded and said yeah, go find out. He came over. We gave fake names. He talked and talked until we said okay to a drink. I watched him stand three feet away at the bar. Nothing in our drinks. We did the shot - a kamikaze - (why do men think this is a good go-to shot for chicks?) and then we got really lucky. His friend saved the day - walked over chuckling at what a drunken idiot his friend was and said, "bro, we're waiting for you." At which time they both left to play pool and we walked out the front door. On my way home I wondered if this method works for anyone else. What kind of chance do you have at getting someone good in these social situations and which situations are ideal for meeting a member of the opposite sex without the immediate expectation being a quick hook up? Needless to say, I was getting depressed.

Sports are a definite no. This may be the one time most Alpha males are distracted enough they won't notice cleavage.

Cultural outings - You'd have to get really lucky and be bold enough to approach someone in public. Most guys are with their significant others.

Parks - love this idea but it's winter

School - maybe if you're actually still in school and not at a college that is 91% women.

Work - bad idea

Apartment building - another bad idea. Don't shit where you eat people.

The gym - probably not gonna happen unless you're already in shape and the person enjoys sweat.

The beach - hope you're confident.

Dating sites - I haven't tried this and what I'm told is there's a plethora of available, normal-seeming women with no time to date but no nice guys.

I'm not sure what else is out there. I've been off the market for such a long time, I don't know how to do this anymore. Compounded with the fact that I'm allegedly intimidating (I don't know how someone who is barely over 5' tall can be), I don't know what I'll do to get ass on a regular basis.

Damn. This is going to be way harder than I thought. Suggestions?